Your Spouse Wants a Divorce - How to Stop This

It's not too late to save your marriage. It's essential to have a practical method. Are you serious about saving your marriage? Now is the time to take action!

There are several reasons why a once committed relationship will degrade to a married person asking for a divorce from the spouse. This cause and effect can stem from:

• An affair
• Separated by a long distance for lengths of time
• Lack of communication
• Behavioral issues or psychological problems of one spouse
• Undelt with addictions

Disregarding any problems seen on the surface, the bottom line is that a couple can find themselves in danger of divorce when there is a loss of communication, respect or intimacy (physical, emotional) in the marital relationship.

Friction between the two of you in itself does not have to cause an unrepairable falling out between spouses. With some communication skills and a shared commitment to the marriage these issues can be overcome.

However, when you're to the point where a spouse is at the brink of abandoning the relationship, how can the remaining partner save the marriage?

What to do when your spouse has asked for a divorce?

First, you must realize that your choices are not limited in this matter. Often, when confronted by a situation such as divorce, we find ourselves backed into a corner and thinking we have no choice in the matter.

While we cannot, must not and in no way manipulate, blackmail or threaten our partner into changing their mind, we can actually control how we react to the situation. If anything, you must realize that you still have control over yourself.

Listen, you may feel your partners actions are the issue here but your reactions to those actions are really more important. Let me explain.

Here is an opportunity for you to look inward and focus on an obligation towards your own feelings and actions. You could even take personal inventory of what your partner is trying to tell you.

There's a serious indication that your marriage needs some changes. If so, respond in an appropriate manner by asking your spouse, "What can I do to bring back the love we had for each other?"

Choices to make when saving your marriage

There are choices that need to be made. You can choose to wallow in spite and wrath or you can choose to become more positive and pleasurable towards your spouse. You can choose to blame and shame your partner for this turn of events or you can choose to take stock, be accountable for where your marriage is and move on towards a more fulfilling relationship.

Perhaps a time of seperation is required to sort out the emotions and look at this crisis from your parter's perspective.

So what if your spouse is stubborn and unresponsive, you can still change yourself and become as engaging, positive and proactive as you were when you first fell for each other.

Haven't you and your spouse made an immense investment into this partnership? Remember your vow to stay in the marriage through sickness and health, richer or poorer, honor and cherrish each other and until death do you part? Help your spouse refocus their view on what both of you once committed to.

Become a delightful person again by caring for your spouse in the small everyday things. Be there for him or her when before you may have focused on your own wants and needs.

Let go of the negative. Let go of the fighting. Once you are able to do that, you are ready to start loving.

Set aside intimate time for your partner alone. Whereas previously, you may have let the kids take up too much of your time.

Finally, you have the option to call for a third party or go-between to help you and your spouse reconcile your relationship. If the situation is sincerely serious then by all means, get help through relationship counseling.

What Can Save Your Marriage When Everything Seems Hopeless?

Image via WikipediaIf your marriage is in trouble, you might want to consider counseling to help save your marriage. What people fail to realize is that there is no wizardly magic in counseling. It's an opportunity for a couple to explore their issues and the sources of their problems through guided discussions. Counselors only provide the tools. It's the duty of a couple to do the work.

A good rule of thumb?

Nip it in the bud. Learn to be mindful of when you need to deal with an issue, as soon as possible.

Your marriage is the central hub in your life. All of your other relationships... with children, family, and friends revolve around the marriage axis. Therefore, there is a need to get help to save your marriage.

Marriage is considered a sacred institution by most of the world’s religions. It is the foundation of the family, which in turn is the foundation for society. So, there is a lot of emphasis on saving a marriage.

What's more, marriage always has and will continue to have it's problems. When you spend your life with someone, somewhere along the road a problem will develop. The question is, how are you going to deal with these problems?

The changing roles of men and women, financial pressures, communication and difficulties with children. Any one of these situations can make it hard on a marriage.

The most highly regarded relationship that we as humans have is the relationship between a man and his wife. Not father - son, father - daughter, mother - son, mother -daughter or brother- sister. No other relationship makes the vow..."Till death do us part".

So who do you turn to?

Perhaps the best place to look is the institution that values marriage more than any other – the church.

While a clinical psychologist or licensed family therapist will take an individualistic approach to marriage counseling, a pastor will focus on making the marriage work in a holistic sense. Over all, this has a better chance of actually saving the marriage.

Why is a pastoral counselor better than a secular therapist?

A secular therapist’s education focuses almost entirely on treating individual psychopathologies. Even “Marriage and Family” designated counselors may have only one class or elective dealing specifically with couple’s therapy. Do you think this approach can save marriage?

A pastoral counselor, on the other hand, will be educated in how to bring couples closer together. With the exception of abuse in the relationship they have the fundamental belief that once the vows are taken, the marriage is until death.

Some pastoral counselors have formal education in counseling. More and more seminaries are offering pastoral counseling degrees. Even ministers without a formal degree take classes and seminars in the subject.

Become a Participating Member of the Church

If you are not a member of a Christian Church it may be difficult to find a pastor to help you iron out the problems in your marriage. Find a good bible teaching church. Become a participating member, you'll be amazed at the positive changes that will take place in your life.

If the church you look into doesn’t offer bible study classes (King James version) then stay clear. The only reason I mention this is because there are many cults that pass themselves off as churches. Don’t be deceived!

Couples Retreats

In this case, you can call various churches and ask them if they have any upcoming couples retreats where you can save marriage through these weekend seminars. Once you have established a relationship with a skilled pastor in these settings, you may be able to do a follow up counsel with the same person.

A good couple’s retreat will help you deal with many different types of issues. There will be group sessions and couple’s sessions. You will also have time to work on questions individually.

Communication is Key

Communication is a big issue at these conferences. If you can work on your communications issues, you will find that the other pieces of the relationship fall into place.

Sex, finances, and raising children are also addressed. The goal is to get you back on track in every aspect of your relationship. You don’t have to be on the same page going in, but the hope is that you will be when you leave.

Marriage is tough. Sometimes it seems like the relationship cannot endure. But, there are so many reasons to give your best effort in making it work. You should consider seeking a pastor, through the word of God you will save your marriage.

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